so personal accountablility is  a big one on my list of being a good person or just a decent human being.  i display this as much as i can wether i be held accountable of something bad...or good.  i love posting the good but not so much the not so good....heres one of good.


   i was thinking a lot today of an old friend of mine.  her name is amanda and we were VERY close at one point in time.  she helped me through a very trying time in my life when i had little if any self esteem at all.  it was soon after my mother died that i met this little 4'10" ball of fire.  to make a very long story shorter...we met at applebees and became very close.  her mother had gone through many brain surgeries recently after she was suddlenly struck with an anurisum one day.  she might not have lost her mother but she definetly wasnt the same.  so we had that to lean on eachother for.  she was my rock, my backbone and my best friend for two years.  we moved in together and everything fell apart.  we were good for the first year, we seemed to mesh really well.  then i met todd and things suddenly changed.  amanda started lashing out at me for things she wouldnt explain why to, i found out i was pregnant and i couldnt handle the stress of it everyday so i moved out, we stopped talking.  finally she called one day, apologized and we met, had dinner and things were great again.  until that christmas season, she came over for a "family" xmas with with kelly and we havent heard from her again.  she was super close with kaila and would tell her to call when she was over here and they would get together.  one day kaila asked to call and amanda's number was disconnected.  we never got another number.  she didnt show up to the reception and never responded to the xmas card we sent her.  if i didnt ask the right people from time to time if theyve even seen her i wouldnt even know for sure she was alive and kicking. 

    so today i was determined to write her a letter letting her know that i am hurt by all this, kaila was hurt by her "dissapearance" from us.  but then i stopped and said...ok before you write this letter lets right a really happy letter to balance out the sad letter.  so i wrote two ltters!!  i wrote my neices in detroit and told them all about the wonderful things going on in our lives and asked about theirs.  i love those little girls and dont get to tell them that enough.  i felt really good for writting those two that i still havent wrote the first intended letter.

  i dont think i will...maybe but not today.  i like to think that i dont even need to...maybe just be happy with the good ones i can write and that one wont seem so important to get off my chest.  only time will tell but i am thankfull for you girls for giving me someone to write happy thoughts and loving comments too.