so as of the middle of august 2008 i have been a stay at home mom. i love love love it....i get to make sure that liz is raised by me and not a sitter, i get to see all the milestones, i get to be here whenever bradley or kaila need me and todd doesnt have to worry about his house and what condition it will be in when he gets home from work...
i cant say that i miss work...not all of it, there are times where i wish i could get out of this house that im in 24 hours 7days a week sometimes, but the thought of interacting with someone other than elizabeth is a bright thought somedays...i loved working and making money and being around people but to weigh it out staying home with elizabeth and another baby (if ever) and working again...i pick staying home.
todd and i live totally different lives sometimes it seems, he is out on the road with people and i am home, he wants to be home when he gets here, but i want to take him out of this house the second he walks in the door...he cant wait to hug elizabeth and sometimes i cant wait to get away from her.
to stay in tuned to eachother as adults, parents, lovers, friends, and spouses we need to have THAT time away with eachother....most parents get to have a few hours away together from time to time...not us....dont get me wrong there are times when kaila is here and she sits with liz and bradley when we go to the grocery store or something close, but we are obviously gonna do what we need to and get home...kelly bless her heart tries to watch elizabeth whenever we ask (which is not that often) but she is busy with her own life, work, and responsibilities...she is a very busy girl and we cant count on her all the time, maryan and kevin you have been a blessing with elizabeth, taking her when we went to Las Vegas (we couldnt have went without your guys and that is 100% the truth and we will always appreciate that..and cant thank you guys enough...maryann DO NOT say A WORD about us thanking you again or i will send a message to you of two pages of thank you's...) and have offered on numerous occasions to take all three of the munchinks so todd and i can have some time away together...yet we never seem to take her up on it becuase of this or that...there's always a reason not to do it...
recently todd and i have decided to take a different look on life, we have had a lot of negative lately and not so much positive going on since my ring was stolen, and we have been a very sad home....not anymore we are trying to wake up with a positive look on things with a "you cant change it" attitude about the things that cant be changed and smile throughout our day...not gonna lie....this is todd....
me...im sad....im moody....im depressed....
ya i said it...i wrote it...for everyone to see...todd says "dont put anything out in writing that you wouldnt put in a newspaper for everyone to see"....and i just did...
so my sister threw at me that she would take all three kids next weekend when we are down there eating grandma carol's wonderful spaghetti and todd and i can go out...let me go ask todd...
*we dont have the money...you may need to get a job
*bradley wont do well staying somewhere
*i hate driving in detroit
those are the reasons i got for him saying no...again
lets fast forward...2 hours....HE SAID YES!!
finally some much needed time away...much needed time together...we had 7 days of "away" in vegas but todd is still resentful of me becuase there were 8 people with us and i felt obligated to make sure everyone had a good time and he says i spent no time with him...so maybe that night of desert and cocktails will help make up for it...i hope so
im tired of being sad, lonley, depressed...im tired of losing....im tired of bad things happenening...i need some good and i need it now...
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
when the cat's away...
if you have noticed my status updates have increased...they have...Todd is in the u.p.
i married a man that sets his own hours, he can be here 90% of the time i need him to be for doctors appointments, Kaila's school stuff, and things that need to be done around here, or just because he has not been around for awhile and just wants some quality time with Elizabeth and i. no 9-5 Monday-Friday....some weeks he is gone from whenever in the morning but is home at night for dinner...
i HATE HATE HATE HATE being alone for days at a time....thank god for Elizabeth, i couldn't survive without her around...i hate being alone almost as much as i hate driving somewhere that isn't familiar to me....so what do you do all day long crystal when Todd is away working?
well Monday i generally do nothing...i watch my stories in the morning, Jerry, Maury, sometimes Steve Wilkos now and then...take care of Elizabeth, read a book, watch a movie...but nothing really constructive...by now though I've called and BEGGED Kelly to come over...let me just say thank god for this woman...she is there whenever i need her night and day...she comes and keeps me sane and hangs out and does nothing with me. she never requires to be entertained by us...she is happy just sitting on the couch petting mr. pootie and watching t.v. I LOVE YOU KELLY!!
Tuesday and Wednesday are laundry/clean the house days...this makes them pass by much faster and i sleep better at night from the energy spent throughout the day....then Thursday Todd usually comes home or late Wednesday night if we get lucky and he feels like driving....
i have to say it is a definite toss up of "would i change it if i could" and i have to say no....
his working allows us to have some away time and miss each other being gone, he can be here for EVERY holiday, EVERY special occasion....whenever we need him to be...that is worth more than i can say...and if he wants two days off in a row to spend with us...he can
I love you Sherwin Williams Automotive Division...you have a wonderful man selling paint for you all over the state of Michigan...he does so with passion and drive and strives to make both you and us money....i appreciate you....
i married a man that sets his own hours, he can be here 90% of the time i need him to be for doctors appointments, Kaila's school stuff, and things that need to be done around here, or just because he has not been around for awhile and just wants some quality time with Elizabeth and i. no 9-5 Monday-Friday....some weeks he is gone from whenever in the morning but is home at night for dinner...
i HATE HATE HATE HATE being alone for days at a time....thank god for Elizabeth, i couldn't survive without her around...i hate being alone almost as much as i hate driving somewhere that isn't familiar to me....so what do you do all day long crystal when Todd is away working?
well Monday i generally do nothing...i watch my stories in the morning, Jerry, Maury, sometimes Steve Wilkos now and then...take care of Elizabeth, read a book, watch a movie...but nothing really constructive...by now though I've called and BEGGED Kelly to come over...let me just say thank god for this woman...she is there whenever i need her night and day...she comes and keeps me sane and hangs out and does nothing with me. she never requires to be entertained by us...she is happy just sitting on the couch petting mr. pootie and watching t.v. I LOVE YOU KELLY!!
Tuesday and Wednesday are laundry/clean the house days...this makes them pass by much faster and i sleep better at night from the energy spent throughout the day....then Thursday Todd usually comes home or late Wednesday night if we get lucky and he feels like driving....
i have to say it is a definite toss up of "would i change it if i could" and i have to say no....
his working allows us to have some away time and miss each other being gone, he can be here for EVERY holiday, EVERY special occasion....whenever we need him to be...that is worth more than i can say...and if he wants two days off in a row to spend with us...he can
I love you Sherwin Williams Automotive Division...you have a wonderful man selling paint for you all over the state of Michigan...he does so with passion and drive and strives to make both you and us money....i appreciate you....
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Bradley...youre the best...love you little man...
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| Bradley playing on the computer |
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| Bradley feeding Liz... |
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| Bradley's 6th bday... |
Let me introduce you to the best step son, big brother, little brother, and just all around great little man Bradley Aaron Ontis. I had the pleasure of meeting him in 2007 when he was 4 years old. He came to Todd's for their weekend visitation and as i was sitting on the couch nervous as can be, here comes the cutest little boy creeping around the corner trying to get a peek of me before he said his goodbyes to his mama...
He has been a wonderful addition to my family and is the sweetest thing you've ever met. He always was asking his dad for a little sister and when we finally told him we were going to have a baby and he found out it would be a little girl he was sooooo excited..."finally a little sister" he said. I couldn't have asked for a more attentive, loving, caring big brother for Elizabeth. From the moment she was here he was super curious about her, he wanted to hold her, feed her...he even used to try super hard to get her to play with him when she was just an infant...he didn't understand she couldn't play yet.
They are going to grow to be super close, they are already...i will make this prediction and maybe unveil the results to you later in life...Bradley is going to be that brother that loves his little sister so much that no boy will dream of breaking her heart because Bradley will have something to say about it...Todd wont even get a chance to pull out the shotgun and start cleaning it on her first date...Bradley will be waiting to answer the door.......
Elizabeth has played with his toys...she like them more than her own and Bradley is FABULOUS about sharing his imaginex, monster trucks, and all his other toys with her, when he is gone she comes to me all the time "where Bradley.." "Bradley coming?" she loves her little brother more than anything.
He is struggling with school right now but we try to sit with him and go over his studies whenever we get the chance too, school is important i tell him all the time and you always have to try to do your best.
Bradley loves soccer, any kind of ball playing, playing with Dane his friend next door and with his dad...he and Todd can play for hours..I'm not the sit down and play type i forgot how to do that a long time ago but Todd is a big kid and has so much fun playing games, trucks, cars, and anything with him. we are getting him into chores now that he is 7 and Kaila complains of having to do them and watch Bradley sit...so responsibility is the next on the plate for him, you may have to remind him a few times but he gets his bed made, room cleaned, clothes put away, front room picked up, garbage bag put back in the can after Kaila takes it out and puts the dishes away for Kaila before she tackles getting them done after meals...now they are not our slaves, they earn an allowance every week so they understand what it like to work for what you have along with learning life's little habits that will help him later in life, now without even being assigned it as a chore he asks every time i do laundry to help, he likes to clean the lint trap and switch the laundry...hes getting so responsible...i cant say how proud of this little boy i am...
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| crystal and Bradley Halloween 09 |
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| Todd and Bradley Halloween 09 |
Friday, October 22, 2010
when did everything change?
when i was little i lived with my granny and papa for the majority of my childhood, we lived in the woods, i went to school, rode the bus home, had dinner, went to bed and did it all again the next day. my granny was ADDICTED to her v.c.r. and had tapes piled up on the coffee table of game shows and t.v. shows she hadn't gotten a chance to watch yet....after she would watch one i would put in another for her, one show we loved to watch together was Little House on the Prairie. this show was about a family who settled back in the day on the open plains, they worked together, loved each other and they were very loyal to each other to make their life work....
so i understand that this was WAY back in the day and also it was a TV show but where did everything change?
family to me are people who will always be there no matter what, they will forgive your wrongs and celebrate your rights...they will trust and be trusted, love and be loved...I'm talking brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, moms, dads, everyone...so why is it now that is all changed? where and why did things go wrong?
where did the family values go? where is the fiber of moral being that used to exist enough that they made multiple TV shows about it? this old house, little house on the prairie, growing pains, family matters, family ties...you don't see these shows or their type anymore...maybe on a "back in the day" channel...but now you have two and a half men, with two brothers and a son living together, they dog on their mom and ones a drunken whore and the working man is weak...you have family guy and south park and American Dad that all celebrate a dysfunctional home, and yes my number one favorite show, Jerry Springer has sisters having sex with their sister's husbands, pimps, whores, and all of it...so this is what we are trying to live up to these days?
maybe this is where the structured family has gone...maybe it is just something that is "back in the day" to have brothers, sisters, moms, and dads doing good by each other, not stabbing each other in the back everyday and not on speaking terms....the parents should all be ashamed of themselves for raising their children that way...for that to be acceptable is outrageous...the kids are the ones to suffer, when we fight amongst each other they see it, they hear it, they suffer....there goes mom and dad again...there goes auntie and uncle.....wont see or be able to talk to them for awhile...they don't understand, they just feel abandoned.. think of what you miss out on when this is the attitude that you are brought up with..baseball games, school plays, birthdays....moms turning their backs on their children for things that mean NOTHING...and who suffers there? the grandchildren, the sons, the daughters...EVERYONE....lets all try to go "back in the day" and make our families healthy, whole, and together again...people are going to make mistakes and make bad decisions and if wasn't for family some people would be completely alone...none of this is right...it is all very wrong, i may not have much family left but i tell you what i treasure each and every one of them and will forgive them all their wrongs and celebrate their rights...my children will know each and everyone of them and unless they are out doing hard drugs or committing serious crimes i will never keep them out of their lives....they have a right to know their family and i will never take that from them, can you imagine this...fighting over nothing that means anything really and then all of a sudden POOF out of nowhere a train runs into them and they die...where does that leave you? broken hearted that someone special in your life never really knew how much you loved them because you turned your back...is that what you want? when my mother died i couldn't apologize enough to her about being a horrible teenager...what would have happened if i hadn't been there, when my granny died i was living in Detroit with my sperm donor and before i left her last words to me were "until you change your ways i don't want to talk to you" that was the last thing this woman who raised me and taught me life lessons and how to cook, love, and be a good person said to me...i will never forget that.
that is my promise to you my wonderful babies...you will know your aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas, your sisters, brothers and everyone in between unless they choose otherwise...and shame on the ones who have...you know who you are...YOU choose not to know your beautiful granddaughters and i hope you can sleep at night knowing it is by your choice they will never know you...love is love plain and simple and who is to say who can love who? who has the power to take that love away? can you really live with yourself for making that choice for them? think about it....
so i understand that this was WAY back in the day and also it was a TV show but where did everything change?
family to me are people who will always be there no matter what, they will forgive your wrongs and celebrate your rights...they will trust and be trusted, love and be loved...I'm talking brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, moms, dads, everyone...so why is it now that is all changed? where and why did things go wrong?
where did the family values go? where is the fiber of moral being that used to exist enough that they made multiple TV shows about it? this old house, little house on the prairie, growing pains, family matters, family ties...you don't see these shows or their type anymore...maybe on a "back in the day" channel...but now you have two and a half men, with two brothers and a son living together, they dog on their mom and ones a drunken whore and the working man is weak...you have family guy and south park and American Dad that all celebrate a dysfunctional home, and yes my number one favorite show, Jerry Springer has sisters having sex with their sister's husbands, pimps, whores, and all of it...so this is what we are trying to live up to these days?
maybe this is where the structured family has gone...maybe it is just something that is "back in the day" to have brothers, sisters, moms, and dads doing good by each other, not stabbing each other in the back everyday and not on speaking terms....the parents should all be ashamed of themselves for raising their children that way...for that to be acceptable is outrageous...the kids are the ones to suffer, when we fight amongst each other they see it, they hear it, they suffer....there goes mom and dad again...there goes auntie and uncle.....wont see or be able to talk to them for awhile...they don't understand, they just feel abandoned.. think of what you miss out on when this is the attitude that you are brought up with..baseball games, school plays, birthdays....moms turning their backs on their children for things that mean NOTHING...and who suffers there? the grandchildren, the sons, the daughters...EVERYONE....lets all try to go "back in the day" and make our families healthy, whole, and together again...people are going to make mistakes and make bad decisions and if wasn't for family some people would be completely alone...none of this is right...it is all very wrong, i may not have much family left but i tell you what i treasure each and every one of them and will forgive them all their wrongs and celebrate their rights...my children will know each and everyone of them and unless they are out doing hard drugs or committing serious crimes i will never keep them out of their lives....they have a right to know their family and i will never take that from them, can you imagine this...fighting over nothing that means anything really and then all of a sudden POOF out of nowhere a train runs into them and they die...where does that leave you? broken hearted that someone special in your life never really knew how much you loved them because you turned your back...is that what you want? when my mother died i couldn't apologize enough to her about being a horrible teenager...what would have happened if i hadn't been there, when my granny died i was living in Detroit with my sperm donor and before i left her last words to me were "until you change your ways i don't want to talk to you" that was the last thing this woman who raised me and taught me life lessons and how to cook, love, and be a good person said to me...i will never forget that.
that is my promise to you my wonderful babies...you will know your aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas, your sisters, brothers and everyone in between unless they choose otherwise...and shame on the ones who have...you know who you are...YOU choose not to know your beautiful granddaughters and i hope you can sleep at night knowing it is by your choice they will never know you...love is love plain and simple and who is to say who can love who? who has the power to take that love away? can you really live with yourself for making that choice for them? think about it....
Thursday, October 21, 2010
what do you think?
On may 5th 2005 my mother passed away from multiplemylenoma a blood cancer that attacks the bones, we never knew she even had it until she couldnt get out of her chair, called the ambulence and when they switched her from gurney to gurney they snapped her femur bone right in half...the biggest bone in your body and hers wasnt that big, she was only 4'10". When they got her to the hospital they fixed the break and found the cancer. that evening i got a phone call saying that my grandpa was comming to get me becuase she was now in ICU because fatty tissue from the break went to her lungs. through the next 8 days she would have a stroke, her kidneys shut down and she had to be dialisis everyday, the cancer got to her skull and went to her brain (causing the stroke) and lots more. finally on day 7 when the doctors said there was little to no hope of her recovering i had the conversation i never dreamed i would have with my papa, sister, and tommie bauer (booooooo) her fiance, should i take her off the life support...we all decided that it was the right thing to do so the next day at 12pm she was taken off the ventalater and all the equipment that had kept her alive as long as it had already. the doctors told us that she should pass within hours becuase her lungs would fill up and she would go peacfully with no pain...WRONG....she didnt feel pain (i assume the stroke had made her a veggie) but she didnt pass until 7:20pm the next day...i was on the way to detroit with my sister and brother in law when i got the call that she had finally passed...by her side were her best friends in the world Richard and Maryann Fehir, Tommie Bauer (booooooo) her fiance, and Joe Chiazzese her childhood love, best friend, and 2 time husband. I will never forget that day as long as i live....for the next year i spiraled into a pit of dispare...i got evicted from my home, my mom had died, and i lost my job of five years dealing blackjack at Soaring Eagle Casino. so i moved in with my papa (mom had been living there waiting to build a house on the property, they were VERYYYY close) to take care of him, and so neither of us had to be alone and i spent my summer getting into trouble and "healing" if you can call it that. I still to this day have nightmeres about my mother and that last day, people told cynthia and i that she was talkind and saying silly things to them when they took her off the ventalater...but when i got there to say my goodbyes it wasnt my mom that was there, her soul had passed and it was a shell of a woman who had a raspy voice that scared the shit out of me and cynthia...you should have seen us run like two sisters who had just seen a ghost!
im getting off track so i will continue here....so anyway as you probably can tell i wasnt the best mom during this time of my life and kaila was only 5 and needed someone to be there for her, i could barely be there for me let alone my child...so i canceled dates with her, broke promises, and just wasnt there the way i should have been, i was tramatized by my mother's passing...she was my best friend and my everything...i felt like an orphaned child kicked out into the world with no protection and left to fend for myslelf...at 25 this isnt a great feeling...so i asked her dad to take her until i got back on my feet.
When i finally got my life together, a year later i got a job, a house and i was on my way...back on my feet, josh (kaila's dad) and i had a talk about her commming home and staying with me and going to school with me..the whole 9 yards...nope he wasnt having it, he took me to court and won physical custody of kaila, with me having the normal every other weekend, every wednesday visitation, paying child support...all of it, i had a hard time at first, but then i sat and realized josh and brianna were a family with two kids (brianna has a son kailas age) and a home, steady stableness is what she needed, she was going to school and was happy...so i took that and went with it, it made me feel better....
well fast forward to now...2010, and josh and brianna are broke up, he has a social life and kaila stays home alone sometimes while he feels guilty about it, he goes to the gym and out on the weekends and to the dart club he joined... she is at the age where she is ok with staying alone and sometimes babysits for us when we go shopping...and i think that now that im married, with a home and a family...kaila has a sister here and a brother, and im a stay at home mom, i would ALWAYS be with her...i think its time for her to come home....josh doesnt think as much.....i say to him "when you took her i got through it by telling myself it was what was best...she had family and stability and thats why id didnt try to get her back through the court...now you need to think the same thing...tables have turned.." i planted the seed and i dont know if he is watering it...kaila wants us to move to clare, i talk to her about maybe staying here all the time, i think that her telling josh that she wants to be here is what its gonna take for him to budge...i dont push her, dont get me wrong but i do say..."what do you think about going to school here and living here like you do at your dads"....in a perfect world she would be here, bradley too...that would make our family complete....so what do you think?
im getting off track so i will continue here....so anyway as you probably can tell i wasnt the best mom during this time of my life and kaila was only 5 and needed someone to be there for her, i could barely be there for me let alone my child...so i canceled dates with her, broke promises, and just wasnt there the way i should have been, i was tramatized by my mother's passing...she was my best friend and my everything...i felt like an orphaned child kicked out into the world with no protection and left to fend for myslelf...at 25 this isnt a great feeling...so i asked her dad to take her until i got back on my feet.
When i finally got my life together, a year later i got a job, a house and i was on my way...back on my feet, josh (kaila's dad) and i had a talk about her commming home and staying with me and going to school with me..the whole 9 yards...nope he wasnt having it, he took me to court and won physical custody of kaila, with me having the normal every other weekend, every wednesday visitation, paying child support...all of it, i had a hard time at first, but then i sat and realized josh and brianna were a family with two kids (brianna has a son kailas age) and a home, steady stableness is what she needed, she was going to school and was happy...so i took that and went with it, it made me feel better....
well fast forward to now...2010, and josh and brianna are broke up, he has a social life and kaila stays home alone sometimes while he feels guilty about it, he goes to the gym and out on the weekends and to the dart club he joined... she is at the age where she is ok with staying alone and sometimes babysits for us when we go shopping...and i think that now that im married, with a home and a family...kaila has a sister here and a brother, and im a stay at home mom, i would ALWAYS be with her...i think its time for her to come home....josh doesnt think as much.....i say to him "when you took her i got through it by telling myself it was what was best...she had family and stability and thats why id didnt try to get her back through the court...now you need to think the same thing...tables have turned.." i planted the seed and i dont know if he is watering it...kaila wants us to move to clare, i talk to her about maybe staying here all the time, i think that her telling josh that she wants to be here is what its gonna take for him to budge...i dont push her, dont get me wrong but i do say..."what do you think about going to school here and living here like you do at your dads"....in a perfect world she would be here, bradley too...that would make our family complete....so what do you think?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
can it ever be the same?
as the three of you that follow this know i am an avid jerry springer/maury watcher....partly due to my "stay at home mom" status and partly becuase i love to see the morons on there doing their thing...whatever that may be...
but i have to ask...can things ever be the same after one feels "betrayed"? can you ever go back to the way it was before the betrayal? and if you can how do you get passed it without feeling totally foolish for the rest of your life?
i honestly have to say that forgivness is one of the best things i have discovered along the way of life, but then who desereves it? those who havent harmed you bad enough to scar you? an unfaithful lover? a best friend who "didnt mean too"? i think that it is super easy to "say" you would or wouldnt but until you are put in that situation you will never know.....
i offer forgivness to many, and i turn my back on few....the few that have my ass staring at them know who they are and why...there are many things i deem unforgivable in my book:
1. stealing
2. cheating
3. harming me or my family
4. dishonesty (some can be forgivin)
people can talk all day long about me and i really over the years have developed a rough exterior that i dont care anymore....there are some that i care for more than i should probably and they can do what they want and i still will look the other way...
so sit and think today...what is your breaking point? bottom line? what is it that can make you say "no more..." and finally walk away?
i still believe in man kind to some extent as a good thing...there are so many out there that are gross, nasty, lieing, back stabbing, just horrible people and those are the ones that get no love or forgiveness from me...lately with all the crap that has hit the fan in this house i really am starting to just shut it all out...i dont want to but damn how much more can we take? i understand there is a cosmic balance in life and todd , the kids, and i have it really good...so when the balance comes in it has to be really bad....now i will sit and wait for the good to come back into sequence
i hope everything is forgiven and we can all go back to normal....
but i have to ask...can things ever be the same after one feels "betrayed"? can you ever go back to the way it was before the betrayal? and if you can how do you get passed it without feeling totally foolish for the rest of your life?
i honestly have to say that forgivness is one of the best things i have discovered along the way of life, but then who desereves it? those who havent harmed you bad enough to scar you? an unfaithful lover? a best friend who "didnt mean too"? i think that it is super easy to "say" you would or wouldnt but until you are put in that situation you will never know.....
i offer forgivness to many, and i turn my back on few....the few that have my ass staring at them know who they are and why...there are many things i deem unforgivable in my book:
1. stealing
2. cheating
3. harming me or my family
4. dishonesty (some can be forgivin)
people can talk all day long about me and i really over the years have developed a rough exterior that i dont care anymore....there are some that i care for more than i should probably and they can do what they want and i still will look the other way...
so sit and think today...what is your breaking point? bottom line? what is it that can make you say "no more..." and finally walk away?
i still believe in man kind to some extent as a good thing...there are so many out there that are gross, nasty, lieing, back stabbing, just horrible people and those are the ones that get no love or forgiveness from me...lately with all the crap that has hit the fan in this house i really am starting to just shut it all out...i dont want to but damn how much more can we take? i understand there is a cosmic balance in life and todd , the kids, and i have it really good...so when the balance comes in it has to be really bad....now i will sit and wait for the good to come back into sequence
i hope everything is forgiven and we can all go back to normal....
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Todd this one is for you...
OK so how horrible am i? earlier posts will tell you that Todd is in Vegas and i am here...i did agree to let him go and do his business with his business people but man if i had realized then how i would react now...
I FEEL TRULY LIKE A HUGE UGLY GREEN MONSTER....i cant control what comes out of my mouth with him...i tell him that i'm over it because at that moment i am but then all of a sudden , whoops...diarrhea of the mouth and it spews out...that its unfair for him to be on vacation when we cant afford to go anywhere together...blah...blah...beating the dead horse...
I FEEL TRULY LIKE A HUGE UGLY GREEN MONSTER....i cant control what comes out of my mouth with him...i tell him that i'm over it because at that moment i am but then all of a sudden , whoops...diarrhea of the mouth and it spews out...that its unfair for him to be on vacation when we cant afford to go anywhere together...blah...blah...beating the dead horse...
TODD AARON ONTIS
i wish i could take us back to Sunday and tell you that im sooooo happy you are having a great time, that i hope that no mater what you live it up out there...i truly didn't want you to have a bad time, you are a wonderful, loving husband who deserves nothing but the best and guess what for the last 4 days you have gotten less than that from your wife...i want to be a better wife, a better person, a better friend...i cant take anything back because once it is said and out there that's what it is...out there, but i guess if you can try to forgive my case of poop mouth...then we can get beyond it...this man is the best...he cooks, cleans, and provides for me and our 3 kids...HE DESERVES THE TIME AWAY...not deserving of him is a green monster wife that was so jealous that he was out in Vegas having a great time (little did i know he was miserable because of guess who...me) and that is what he got...a horrible, less than kind wife who kept bringing up the same thing...every conversation...every chat...every talk because i wasn't hearing from him what i wanted to hear...he was blowing me off...but in his place i would blow me off too...i would have done the same thing you did Todd...not answer ANY of my calls, I've gotten to know your voicemail very well the last week, being short and testy when we do talk...I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR ANY OF IT AND I AM SOOO SORRY...i know you have to be sick of hearing me say sorry....i cant do anything to make up for any of it...i can say i wish i would could take it back and have excitement for you in my voice...i wish i could have been happy inside for you...i wish i could have brought you luck and love out there...but i didn't..and as you say you will never go anywhere ever again, and you are very disappointed in me...can we let that be my "punishment" that you being disappointed in me is the worst...as i am with myself...i love you babe and i hope you don't hate me...i hope that you still look forward to seeing me when you get home and want to spend time with me and take this two months of marriage that we've had and turn it into a century of love, laughs, and lessens learned...i know I've learned mine...forgive? forget?
and to all the people with you todd i apologize to them for putting you in a fowl mood, it was 100% my fault and i know they are whispering to eachother and telling you what a horrible wife i am, and they would leave me if they were you...but i cant change that either...though wish i could...just let them know that with time i will relax and this WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...there will be more trips for you with them and i know that next time i will do things SOOOOOOOO different because i learn from my mistakes...thats what makes them lessons...and this lesson like ive said this is a lesson that has been learned...the hard way for me...
and to all the people with you todd i apologize to them for putting you in a fowl mood, it was 100% my fault and i know they are whispering to eachother and telling you what a horrible wife i am, and they would leave me if they were you...but i cant change that either...though wish i could...just let them know that with time i will relax and this WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...there will be more trips for you with them and i know that next time i will do things SOOOOOOOO different because i learn from my mistakes...thats what makes them lessons...and this lesson like ive said this is a lesson that has been learned...the hard way for me...
Kaila Nichole Langlois
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| kaila and the go-cart |
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| kaila and liz halloween 08' |
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| kaila, reanna, and lila |
On December 4, 2000 at 12:32pm kaila nichole langlois was brought into this world, with her dad, grandma karen (r.i.p) and grandma dawn (r.i.p) there to cheer me on...kinda...lol
Kaila was a WONDERFUL baby..never cried unless she was hungry or tired, wouldnt sleep anywhere but in her crib...she was a fabulous baby. she has grown to be an even more fabulous young lady, at 9 years old she has manners YOU wish you had, LOVE LOVE LOVES school, she actually cries when she has to miss a day...she is just such a joy...she listens like clockwork (98% of the time!) and very rarely do i ever have to raise my voice...let alone punish her.
Kaila loves her sister and brother and is the biggest help i could ever ask for with elizabeth. todd and i even get to sleep in together when she is here on the weekend...you will never hear her complain about it becuase she gets joy out of helping us. i cant say enough about this "bundle" of joy that came into my life 9 years ago.
I am sooooooo proud of kaila and all her accomplishments, she is a wonderfully talented artist, a funky dresser, a wonderful sister, daughter, and friend....she will hug you when your down and make a silly face to see you smile. I know she is going places and when she tells me what she wants to be when she gets older (it changes by the minute) i am very proud to hear her ambition...i couldnt ask for a more wonderful daughter...i cant wait to see what the future brings for her.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Elizabeth Dawn Ontis...
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| liz first bath in th big girl tub |
ELIZABETH DAWN ONTIS
Elizabeth Ontis born august 29, 2010 in alma michigan to Todd and Crystal Ontis. Let me tell you about this little bundle of joy...I had an easy pregnancy as pregnancy goes, but I hate,hate, hate being pregnant...I get fat, I have horrible gas, I pee all the time, my acid reflux goes into overdrive, and did I mention that I am very homicidal lunitic? Ya I get mean..I get nasty...oh it gets bad...but what happens 10 months later is all worth it to me...ask todd and he may or may not agree...lol
so around july 1st i started talking inducing..not then but sometime with my doctor...i had been induced with kaila and i liked the idea of knowing when it was going to happen...thats me...schedule my delivery!! lol so after a bunch of "not yet crystal" and "we'll discuss this around 40 weeks" from my doctor she finally said "ok...give me a date" well Todd's mom and step dad were up during that week and i was feeling rather sentimental to them for being here and i said september 11th...joyce's bday. dr. treankle agreed and that was that...i told joyce she was overjoyed...so they were scheduled to be here for a week i believe and joyce had brought enough stuff to stay one extra day...thank goodness becuase i went to the doctor and low andbehold ihave high blood pressure...really high...so they test and test and decide to avoid preclamsia i needed to be induced (thank god) the next day...joyce and dick were going home that day...good thing joyce packed extra...so in we go 5am on the 29 of august and after 6 1/2 hours of labor elizabeth dawn ontis enters our family....and her grandma and grandpa were here to visit that night...
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| daddy and liz |
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| kaila and liz |
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| baby liz |
so now we will fast forward...2 years later, she learned how to crawl, scoot, walk and talk...now she is a jibber jabber queen and she has her own language...i am soo blessed to have this little girl in my life and she is to have the people she has in hers...love you liz!!
my release
when i was starting to think about blogging, thanks to maryann and her insisting upon it...i wondered to myself who the hell is going to want to read about my life...my thoughts...??? and i can say at least three of you!! lol
there are many kinds of blogs as i see them, some witty, some angry ( a couple of mine were), some happy and some are just stinkin funny...maryann...
i have to say that it is sometimes impossible to "blog" my day, a journal is much more private than an online journal..and somethings are just meant to be kept in private...but it is definetly a form of release, wheter i go back and second guess what i have put out there on the internet for everyone to see and go back and erase it or i have poured my soul and feelings into that day's entry and go back and re-read it and agree with everything ive said and stand by it...thanks to this wonderful little "release" you all can have a little taste of what it is to be me...lol lucky you...
there are many kinds of blogs as i see them, some witty, some angry ( a couple of mine were), some happy and some are just stinkin funny...maryann...
i have to say that it is sometimes impossible to "blog" my day, a journal is much more private than an online journal..and somethings are just meant to be kept in private...but it is definetly a form of release, wheter i go back and second guess what i have put out there on the internet for everyone to see and go back and erase it or i have poured my soul and feelings into that day's entry and go back and re-read it and agree with everything ive said and stand by it...thanks to this wonderful little "release" you all can have a little taste of what it is to be me...lol lucky you...
Friday, October 8, 2010
your turn maryann...
MARYANN ZELLER
So a last week my ring was stolen and Maryann wrote a blog about me so that I would smile...now its her turn...
Honey I know times are hard right now and you feel like everyone is out to get you and the most important people have turned their backs, but know this...no matter what that will never happen from me. You would have to do something so horrible that i could never forgive you for that to happen and here's why....
- You are a wonderful friend
- You have had my back everytime i have needed you
- You welcomed me with open arms when we met
- You love my husband and family as much as I do
- You are a GREAT, FABULOUS, WONDERFUL mother
- You bring me dip...lol
- Your relationship with your husband is sweet, true, and very special and thats what i want with mine
- You are a great example for my children
I could go on for days and days but I will say this...I love you very much and todd does too...we hope everything is going to get better and you will keep yourself healthy and happy becuase we need you in our lives as do many others...when times get tough and dark look to us for your light becuase no matter the time or place we will be here for you above all others...love you maryann zeller....youre my favorite by far....
Sunday, October 3, 2010
What is your sunday like?
My sunday's are usually predictably the same every week...which is how i like EVERYTHING...i like ot live by a schedule, i like things in their place so i dont have to put them there later, i like to know what is going on ahead of time so i can plan for whatever needs it....
So sunday's usually go one of two ways...
1. we wake up, play with the kids, and wait for todd to have to leave to take bradley home and josh to get here to get kaila
2. we are driving home from being somewhere and the kids are going home...
Sunday is my day to decompress from the week/weekend and liz does the same, we hang out and make sausage dinner and watch t.v.
well folks....sundays might just get a little more busy...Bradley was crying today about something and i calmed him down, explained to him that he will get a lot further if he stops crying and tells me what he is feeling. usually that is why he gets upset to tears is becuase he cant put out what he really wants to say, or because he doesnt get what he wants.
sooooo...he wants to move up here...surprise, surprise i think to myself..he has never voiced this though even though we knew one day he would...and he has.
so we may soon have a new/old addition to the ontis family and i am going to have to do the school thing...i wonder what heidi is going to think...
So sunday's usually go one of two ways...
1. we wake up, play with the kids, and wait for todd to have to leave to take bradley home and josh to get here to get kaila
2. we are driving home from being somewhere and the kids are going home...
Sunday is my day to decompress from the week/weekend and liz does the same, we hang out and make sausage dinner and watch t.v.
well folks....sundays might just get a little more busy...Bradley was crying today about something and i calmed him down, explained to him that he will get a lot further if he stops crying and tells me what he is feeling. usually that is why he gets upset to tears is becuase he cant put out what he really wants to say, or because he doesnt get what he wants.
sooooo...he wants to move up here...surprise, surprise i think to myself..he has never voiced this though even though we knew one day he would...and he has.
so we may soon have a new/old addition to the ontis family and i am going to have to do the school thing...i wonder what heidi is going to think...
Friday, October 1, 2010
Three in a row...
Well first and foremost thank you Maryann for being there with kind words...that was a beautiful blog and I appreciate it.
So ya...for you who read this...the whole two of you...(love you Kelly and Maryann!!) you already know the situation with my ring...but maybe this will be theraputic to me to just get it off my chest I guess.
I have seent he completed version of this ring in my sleep latley....Todd and I passed out so many fliers with a picture of it all over the county.
Now some of you may be wondering how it was stolen...I will tell you but this story comes with fine print...if you ask if i wish i wouldnt have taken it off now, i will vomit all over you. with that being said, i take it off when i wash my hands, i cant stand the feeling of slimey soap inbetween the band and my fingers, it slides off...its annoying, so i take it off and put it back on...well i forgot it and went back to my table at bingo...i literally sat down and realized it wasnt on my finger, went back to the bathroom and it was gone.
There was a fat, nasty, welfare, smells like smoke, wearing flip flops with nasty toe THEIVING bitch comming out of the stall while i was walking out after drying my hands, i politley said excuse me to her and went out the door. THAT WOMAN HAS MY RING...but how do i prove it? i cant, all i can do is put up flyers, call the cops, go to all the pawn shops, jewerly stores, take one around with me adn shoe it to anyone who will look at it.
this woman has no idea what she has done to me, Todd, Kaila, Cynthia, my mother (r.i.p), her grandmother...that ring was more than just a ring.
let me explain the fine print statement, after this incident...i mean IMMEDIATLEY after i get asked this twice and it infruiated me....NO MATTER WHY, WHERE, HOW, OR ANYTHING NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO STEAL MY RING!! IT DOESNT MAKE IT RIGHT....IT WILL NEVER MAKE IT RIGHT...I AM NOT BEATING MYSELF UP OVER THIS...DONT ASK IF I WISH I HADNT TAKEN IT OFF...I WILL WANT TO RIP OFF YOUR FACE I SWEAR...EVEN IF YOU ARE 80!!
yes, of course i wish i hadnt taken it off...i wish i would have had kaila at an older age, i wish we had elizabeth after we got married, i wish i lived closer to maryann and kelly would move there too....but i can do NOTHING about any of these things and if i harbored feelings all day long about them i would crawl in a hole and die...so since this isnt an option, i have a family to take of, a house to run and a husband to make sure is happy, i dont have time to focus only on the bad, the unfair, the dark dark obiss that can overcome one with depression. this incident could have put me there, but thank god i have the love of a great family, friends, and just DOING something about it i have been able to "morn" the loss of my family heirloom wedding ring because someone feels they had the right to put it in their fat pocket or whatever roll she stuck it under (my poor ring) and steal it from me...it may sound silly but i really hope she is taking care of it, it isnt thrown on a table somewhere or some crack dealers pocket...
oh well...lesson learned...the hard way the morning will end and i will at least be able to wake up without reaching for the bedside table and my ring...
sorry mom...i hope you can fogive my mistake and haunt the bitch until she gives it up...
So ya...for you who read this...the whole two of you...(love you Kelly and Maryann!!) you already know the situation with my ring...but maybe this will be theraputic to me to just get it off my chest I guess.
Now some of you may be wondering how it was stolen...I will tell you but this story comes with fine print...if you ask if i wish i wouldnt have taken it off now, i will vomit all over you. with that being said, i take it off when i wash my hands, i cant stand the feeling of slimey soap inbetween the band and my fingers, it slides off...its annoying, so i take it off and put it back on...well i forgot it and went back to my table at bingo...i literally sat down and realized it wasnt on my finger, went back to the bathroom and it was gone.
There was a fat, nasty, welfare, smells like smoke, wearing flip flops with nasty toe THEIVING bitch comming out of the stall while i was walking out after drying my hands, i politley said excuse me to her and went out the door. THAT WOMAN HAS MY RING...but how do i prove it? i cant, all i can do is put up flyers, call the cops, go to all the pawn shops, jewerly stores, take one around with me adn shoe it to anyone who will look at it.
this woman has no idea what she has done to me, Todd, Kaila, Cynthia, my mother (r.i.p), her grandmother...that ring was more than just a ring.
let me explain the fine print statement, after this incident...i mean IMMEDIATLEY after i get asked this twice and it infruiated me....NO MATTER WHY, WHERE, HOW, OR ANYTHING NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO STEAL MY RING!! IT DOESNT MAKE IT RIGHT....IT WILL NEVER MAKE IT RIGHT...I AM NOT BEATING MYSELF UP OVER THIS...DONT ASK IF I WISH I HADNT TAKEN IT OFF...I WILL WANT TO RIP OFF YOUR FACE I SWEAR...EVEN IF YOU ARE 80!!
yes, of course i wish i hadnt taken it off...i wish i would have had kaila at an older age, i wish we had elizabeth after we got married, i wish i lived closer to maryann and kelly would move there too....but i can do NOTHING about any of these things and if i harbored feelings all day long about them i would crawl in a hole and die...so since this isnt an option, i have a family to take of, a house to run and a husband to make sure is happy, i dont have time to focus only on the bad, the unfair, the dark dark obiss that can overcome one with depression. this incident could have put me there, but thank god i have the love of a great family, friends, and just DOING something about it i have been able to "morn" the loss of my family heirloom wedding ring because someone feels they had the right to put it in their fat pocket or whatever roll she stuck it under (my poor ring) and steal it from me...it may sound silly but i really hope she is taking care of it, it isnt thrown on a table somewhere or some crack dealers pocket...
oh well...lesson learned...the hard way the morning will end and i will at least be able to wake up without reaching for the bedside table and my ring...
sorry mom...i hope you can fogive my mistake and haunt the bitch until she gives it up...
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