these four walls...

    so as of the middle of august 2008 i have been a stay at home mom.  i love love love it....i get to make sure that liz is raised by me and not a sitter, i get to see all the milestones, i get to be here whenever bradley or kaila need me and todd doesnt have to worry about his house and what condition it will be in when he gets home from work...

    i cant say that i miss work...not all of it, there are times where i wish i could get out of this house that im in 24 hours 7days a week sometimes, but the thought of interacting with someone other than elizabeth is a bright thought somedays...i loved working and making money and being around people but to weigh it out staying home with elizabeth and another baby (if ever) and working again...i pick staying home.

    todd and i live totally different lives sometimes it seems, he is out on the road with people and i am home, he wants to be home when he gets here, but i want to take him out of this house the second he walks in the door...he cant wait to hug elizabeth and sometimes i cant wait to get away from her.

     to stay in tuned to eachother as adults, parents, lovers, friends, and spouses we need to have THAT time away with eachother....most parents get to have a few hours away together from time to time...not us....dont get me wrong there are times when kaila is here and she sits with liz and bradley when we go to the grocery store or something close, but we are obviously gonna do what we need to and get home...kelly bless her heart tries to watch elizabeth whenever we ask (which is not that often) but she is busy with her own life, work, and responsibilities...she is a very busy girl and we cant count on her all the time, maryan and kevin you have been a blessing with elizabeth, taking her when we went to Las Vegas (we couldnt have went without your guys and that is 100% the truth and we will always appreciate that..and cant thank you guys enough...maryann DO NOT say A WORD about us thanking you again or i will send a message to you of two pages of thank you's...) and have offered on numerous occasions to take all three of the munchinks so todd and i can have some time away together...yet we never seem to take her up on it becuase of this or that...there's always a reason not to do it...

    recently todd and i have decided to take a different look on life, we have had a lot of negative lately and not so much positive going on since my ring was stolen, and we have been a very sad home....not anymore we are trying to wake up with a positive look on things with a "you cant change it" attitude about the things that cant be changed and smile throughout our day...not gonna lie....this is todd....

    me...im sad....im moody....im depressed....

    ya i said it...i wrote it...for everyone to see...todd says "dont put anything out in writing that you wouldnt put in a newspaper for everyone to see"....and i just did...

    so my sister threw at me that she would take all three kids next weekend when we are down there eating grandma carol's wonderful spaghetti and todd and i can go out...let me go ask todd...

    *we dont have the money...you may need to get a job
    *bradley wont do well staying somewhere
    *i hate driving in detroit

     those are the reasons i got for him saying no...again

     lets fast forward...2 hours....HE SAID YES!!

     finally some much needed time away...much needed time together...we had 7 days of "away" in vegas but todd is still resentful of me becuase there were 8 people with us and i felt obligated to make sure everyone had a good time and he says i spent no time with him...so maybe that night of desert and cocktails will help make up for it...i hope so

     im tired of being sad, lonley, depressed...im tired of losing....im tired of bad things happenening...i need some good and i need it now...