Todd this one is for you...

OK so how horrible am i?  earlier posts will tell you that Todd is in Vegas and i am here...i did agree to let him go and do his business with his business people but man if i had realized then how i would react now...

I FEEL TRULY LIKE A HUGE UGLY GREEN MONSTER....i cant control what comes out of my mouth with him...i tell him that i'm over it because at that moment i am but then all of a sudden , whoops...diarrhea of the mouth and it spews out...that its unfair for him to be on vacation when we cant afford to go anywhere together...blah...blah...beating the dead horse...

TODD AARON ONTIS

   i wish i could take us back to Sunday and tell you that im sooooo happy you are having a great time, that i hope that no mater what you live it up out there...i truly didn't want you to have a bad time, you are a wonderful, loving husband who deserves nothing but the best and guess what for the last 4 days you have gotten less than that from your wife...i want to be a better wife, a better person, a better friend...i cant take anything back because once it is said and out there that's what it is...out there, but i guess if you can try to forgive my case of poop mouth...then we can get beyond it...this man is the best...he cooks, cleans, and provides for me and our 3 kids...HE DESERVES THE TIME AWAY...not deserving of him is a green monster wife that was so jealous that he was out in Vegas having a great time (little did i know he was miserable because of guess who...me) and that is what he got...a horrible, less than kind wife who kept bringing up the same thing...every conversation...every chat...every talk because i wasn't hearing from him what i wanted to hear...he was blowing me off...but in his place i would blow me off too...i would have done the same thing you did Todd...not answer ANY of my calls, I've gotten to know your voicemail very well the last week, being short and testy when we do talk...I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR ANY OF IT AND I AM SOOO SORRY...i know you have to be sick of hearing me say sorry....i cant do anything to make up for any of it...i can say i wish i would could take it back and have excitement for you in my voice...i wish i could have been happy inside for you...i wish i could have brought you luck and love out there...but i didn't..and as you say you will never go anywhere ever again, and you are very disappointed in me...can we let that be my "punishment" that you being disappointed in me is the worst...as i am with myself...i love you babe and i hope you don't hate me...i hope that you still look forward to seeing me when you get home and want to spend time with me and take this two months of marriage that we've had and turn it into a century of love, laughs, and lessens learned...i know I've learned mine...forgive? forget? 

   and to all the people with you todd i apologize to them for putting you in a fowl mood, it was 100% my fault and i know they are whispering to eachother and telling you what a horrible wife i am, and they would leave me if they were you...but i cant change that either...though wish i could...just let them know that with time i will relax and this WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...there will be more trips for you with them and i know that next time i will do things SOOOOOOOO different because i learn from my mistakes...thats what makes them lessons...and this lesson like ive said this is a lesson that has been learned...the hard way for me...